


all things pass into the night

by sadcatgirl



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Gen, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 01:05:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7597327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadcatgirl/pseuds/sadcatgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>spoilers for s3 ep 11</p>
            </blockquote>





	all things pass into the night

 

_he told me, "i've seen it all before_

_i've been there, i've seen my hopes and dreams lying on the ground_

_i've seen the sky just begin to fall"_

_he says, "all things pass into the night"_

 

* * *

“sarah lynn? sarah lynn?”  
  
in the instant that it took for him to realize she wasn't breathing, bojack felt his high implode inside of him, fall from him to many miles below the planetarium seats.  
  
he could see himself shaking her, calling her name, pulling her to the ground so he could push, push, push, on her chest in a futile attempt to revive her. he watched, he watched it like he would watch an episode of _horsin’ around_ , but it was all wrong, there was no lesson to be learned, no feel good end of act three hugs, no laugh track, so the jokes wouldn’t land, and no one could tell what the joke really was–  
  
–or maybe it was more like watching _secretariat_ , because that wasn’t really even him. that couldn’t have been him. she couldn’t have really been dead. the actors were convincing, he had to admit, but it was still just acting, and he must have been millions of light years away, watching it all, until–  
  
-until he wasn’t. he’s in the backseat of diane’s car, with only a hazy idea of how he got there. he blinks and stares out the window, at the indifferent morning traffic crawling along the 101 and the cruel glare of the sun. diane doesn't speak, she just looks at the cars in front of her. maybe the news of sarah lynn’s death had already spread from morning talk show to morning talk show, and the hosts with their high, forced voices would comment in cliches on the death of a beloved child actor turned troubled pop star. how sad it is, they would say, she was finally getting her life back on track, nine months sober–  
  
( _bojack kills bojack kills bojack kills bojack bojack bojack–_ )  
  
“–bojack?” diane says, pulling into his driveway. she watches him with a pained expression. “do you want me to–”  
  
but he’s already out of the car, and he says nothing as he slams the door. he says nothing to todd, who is waiting for him alone in that empty echoing house, says nothing and makes his way to his bedroom, where he–  
  
-wakes up on the dirty, sinking motel mattress, relieved, because he’s back in room 335 and it was all just a bad dream. sarah lynn is standing with a curtain wrapped around her shoulders, and she looks _glowing_ –  
  
“–all the magic of hollywoo wrapped up in one night–”  
  
–striking a pose. and though he knows the words, bojack can’t even hear any more of their conversation over the sound of his heart singing so loudly with this new found love for her. she’s worth more than all the magic of hollwoo, worth more than all the stars that he could never see through the LA smog, she’s this spectacular moment wrapped up in his arms and now, now–  
  
-she’s dead. the lights in the planetarium are on, destroying any illusion of cosmic insignificance he had been clinging to. he watches with perfect clarity as the paramedics drag sarah lynn into the body bag, and when they zip her into its dark mouth, he has a distinct impression of a supernova collapsing in on itself, into a black hole–  
  
–and now, he’s awake, in his own bed. it’s night and everything is perfectly still.  
  
slowly, he turns his head and looks at the starless sky beyond his bedroom window. for the first time, an immense feeling of loss crushes him.  
  
he watches himself on the screen of his memory. “it’s going to be okay,” he hears himself promise sarah lynn as she hugs herself and rocks back and forth on that stained mattress. “it’s going to be okay–”

**Author's Note:**

> "goodbye horses" by q lazzarus


End file.
